Top Five: Halloween Costumes for People that cannot afford Costumes

by Richard Wilk

It is Halloween time again. Do you know what this means?! Costumes! Unfortunately, those of us without the money to afford expensive costumes feel left out of the festivities. But fear not my financially challenged friends, Here’s help With these five easy, cheap costume ideas, you too can strut your stuff with the best of ‘em!

#5.Disgrentled Postal Worker

These guys are truly, deeply frightening. When they address someone it is like their looking through them, and not really at them. Here’s how: Get a postal workers hat, or a similar type hat that is blue and white. Next dress in military camouflage gear, this includes the jacket, the pants, and jack boots. Now, get a large bag and load it with envelopes. When people ask you what you are just show them the bag and stare at them for a minute. (They will get the message.) For added effect, randomly stop walking in the halls, turn around, and hand them some junk mail, they will be frightened.

#4. Super Chef

Super Chef, able to fillet large meats with a single slice! Able to toss a salad with a single flick! Has the ability to cook gravy with a single stir! Here’s how: First, get an apron. If you don’t have one you can easily make one out of a sheet. Now, get a thick belt and use it to tie the apron. In the belt fit a spatula and some tongs, name them the spatula of justice, and the tongs of truth. If your apron has a pocket in the middle fit various spices inside of it. As a mask, take a tortilla and cut a slot for your eyes and nose. If it was previously in the refrigerator it should be somewhat sticky, and therefore will stick nicely to your face. Now, you too, can go fight the injustices of a poor meal!

#3. Discombobulated Vagabond

What is scarier than a confused vagabond? A lot of things, but the confused are pretty frightening nonetheless. Here’s how: Don’t bathe a week before Halloween. Or if you’re the type who cannot go that long with out a shower, the morning before coming to school sit in your garbage can for about and hour. Next rub your face and clothes in the dirt. After your have the look down and smell down, you’ll need the accessories. First, get a bottle and wrap it with a brown paper bag. Then get a backpack and claim that you have all your personal belongings in it. Next, when people walk by you, start asking them random questions regarding their personal preferences. Now, you’ll look like an authentic disgruntled vagabond with the true look, smell and attitude included!!

#2. An Ambiguous Blob

A great blob that has the ability to move at low speeds and potentially run into things! The ambiguous blob is the perfect costume for anyone who wants a spiffy costume with only half the effort! Here’s how: Acquire a large amount of Jello. Next get a whole lot of Ziplock bags. Now, put the Jello inside the bags, and attach the bags to yourself. The more you can use, the greater the blob you shall be. Now, once you feel that you’ve adequately packed yourself with your Jello bags, toss some clothing over them. Another way to produce this costume would be to use water balloons for a very similar effect.

#1. Nathan Kistler

This person can be described in one word: horrifying. He causes small children to run screaming in terror from him. Now, you too can be just like him with your official Nathan Kistler Halloween mask! Here’s how: Come to the journalism room during seventh period. Inquire to me about getting his picture. I will gladly print a copy of his face for you. Next you take it home and cut out the eyes. Attach it to your face using tape, or a rubber band. Now you will have potentially the greatest cheap Halloween costume in existence! When you are seen with this mask people will cringe in disgust and than run in fear from you.