The Name Conan is 7 Times Cooler than You!

 Kate Proto

It’s utterly impossible not to love someone named Conan. If you do not love Conan O’Brien, I have some dreadful news for you. You’re missing a heart and possibly two fourths of your brain. That’s half a cerebellum for us intellectuals. Conan has been on for exactly 10 years, and has never been more glorious. Nearly every night I tune in to his program at 12:30 on the dot. He is known around the world as “that jerk who comes on after Leno.” That he is. Conan is a melting pot of qualities. He is a combination of witty, cynical and utterly inane personalities.

What makes watching The Late Show so enjoyable is the spontaneity. One second you are closely watching an interview between Tom Hanks and Conan, when out of nowhere buckets of snow are dropped on the celebrity’s unassuming head. It’s really quite hilarious. I strongly recommend abstaining from any and all abdominal workouts prior to viewing this show. Laughing is unavoidable, and laughing hurts the abs. Conan also has red hair. I think red heads are possibly the most intelligent and talented people out there. I’m definitely not insinuating anything.

If the previous reasons are not compelling enough, I have four words for you. Triumph the Insult Dog. If you are still unaware of such a creature, then I’m sorry to inform you that you are a sorry excuse for a human. Triumph is a hand puppet, a canine hand puppet to be specific. He wears a gold bow tie and smokes a cigar. It does not get much cooler than that. It really doesn’t, Triumph epitomizes cool with one phrase, “for me to poop on!” If you don’t laugh during this famous catch phrase you would make me angry. Keep in mind that Triumph speaks in a terrible accent at all times. Let the laughing commence.

If you are not at the edges of your seats by now, you’re probably not sitting. Keep in mind that you would be missing an hour of potential chaos and hilarity if you didn’t give this show a chance. Also keep in mind that his name is uber tough. Say it with me now…CONAN.