Comrade Mischa’s Corner by Michael Veremans

This past century, the human world has sported some of the most murderous, thieving, and fascinating leaders. Most of the dictators of the last hundred years were brought into power during periods of political turmoil in the given country and generally fell under two categories: Communist and Anti-Communist. Whether their money came from America or Soviet Russia the leaders made their mark in history by practicing genocide, the "misallocation" of foreign aid money, and an overall lack of sound-minded political laws that provided for a free and open country. The following list has been compiled based on the men and one woman who took the highest toll from their sovereign country through either lives, money, or both, proving that absolute power corrupts ABSOLUTELY FABULOUSLY.

1 - Adolf Hitler. This man is probably the most notorious man ever. His record includes conquering half of Europe by harnessing German industrial might, saving the country from a depression. Many American companies invested in National Socialist Germany, giving it the capita it needed to wage a war not only against all of Europe but against the Jews in many of the occupied countries. Hitler's total death toll in the most massive genocide in history is 6 million Jews and other "undesirables".

On a lighter note, Hitler looks like my cat! That's right, Nalah the cat was the model for Hitler's well-known small mustache. Don't get the wrong impression though. My cat is an inartistic carnivore who likes to rub her head on the floor, unlike Adolf, who was a strict vegetarian who pooped in a toilet, not a sandbox, that I have to empty out all the time. Also, Hitler started out his career as a painter, producing the kind of paintings that we see in calendars today, or the dentist office!

2 - Josef Stalin. He is definitely the most famous Communist. His warping of the Marxist ideals and part in the take over of a troubled Russia is the defining actions of his life. Stalin was also a mass murdering leader.. While Hitler killed Jews primarily, Stalin killed both Jews and ethnic Russians, whom he claimed were political enemies. While many were sent to the dreaded Siberian GULAG prisons, as many as 3 million Russians were killed by the end of his revolution.

We cannot forget his contributions to the philosophical world, though. His famous quotes such as, "The death of one is a tragedy, but the death of millions is just a statistic," and being a water conservation activist, "If its yellow, leave it mellow; if its brown flush it down." Besides his intellectual and Communist efforts, he was funny looking. His handle bar mustache looks just like that of the evil doer who has tied a fair maiden to the rail road tracks and is laughing, "ep ep ep" and his hair comes straight from the show Happy Days where Stalin played The Fonze, "Ehhh."

3 - Pol Pot. This vicious dictator came into power in Cambodia after staging a coup against the reigning government with his Khmer Rouge guerillas. Once in power (from 1975-1979) he proceeded to kill everyone who had any education or could read. About 1 million people were killed by the end of his holocaust. This ghastly slaying was depicted in the film The Killing Fields, definitely recommended. He sought to revert Cambodia to a purely agrarian Communist society by destroying free thought. He was eventually ousted when Communist Vietnam invaded and overthrew him. He later died under house arrest.

There isn't anything really that funny about him, he definitely was the most brutal genocidal maniac on this list. His original name was Solath Sar, and he changed it to Pol Pot. Someone explain that to me, I think it was cooler before.

4 - General Suharto. Backed by aid money from the American government and assistance form the CIA, General Suharto took control of the archipelago country of Indonesia. This support was gained by his anti-Communist pledges. In carrying out his purges of leftists, he exterminated up to 2 million Indonesians, and thwarted many attempts to end his career, using US weapons to impose his will. In 1998 he was still in power of Indonesia and getting money from America to commit these many atrocities.

It is funny that America supported this man for so long, then arrested him for "corruption." It is also funny that in this picture he is wearing weird glasses, and the lady behind him is wearing even weirder cat-eye glasses!

5 - Mobutu Sese Seko. Another anti-Communist dictator, was backed by the US declared himself president of Zaire (changing its name from Congo) and until 1997 was the leader. During his reign he depleted the economy of the country and managed to pocket up to eight billion dollars of foreign aid money into various bank accounts, making him one of the richest men of the world.

He died a few years after being overthrown of prostate cancer. Also, if you look at the picture you will see that he always wore a funny hat, and looked like an older version of Erkle, amazing he could lead a revolution in a new African country with his amazing goofiness. On top of all of his fabulosities, he was educated in Belgium, only proving what Austin Powers pointed out, that Belgians make people "so damned evil!"

6 - Slobodan Milosevic. This Communist made his push after the fall of the Soviet Union. During his thirteen year reign from 1987-2000 (when he was voted from office) he managed to launch an ethnic cleansing campaign like that of Hitler. His Serbian troops killed thousands of Bosnians, Albanians, and other Muslims, leaving innumerable mass graves in their wake. This sparked the indiscriminate bombing of Yugoslavia by America and Germany, resulting in even more innocent deaths. But he really does look like an alien doesn't he? With that forehead, come on.

7 - Idi Amin. Rising through the ranks of the British colonial military, he was able to take a lead in the newly independent Uganda. Eventually seizing control in 1971, he proceeded to oppress many ethnic groups, kick out all foreigners, and seize all businesses from the British and Asians (who dominated the market there). He also managed to kill tens of thousands of people and tried to invade Tanzania, eventually he was sent into exile by Tanzanian troops in 1979.

Idi gave himself the title: "His Excellency President for Life Field Marshal Al Hadji Dr. Idi Amin, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular." And he was crazy!

8 - Nicolae Ceauçescu. He kinda looks like a creepier George Bush doesn't he? Anyway, he was the holder of almost every high political committee position available in Romania at its peak, including the head of the country. In this position he initially does well, practicing a free-speech form of Communism, rejecting the USSR and ultimately making positive choices for his people.

As the years wore on he began to spiral out of control with his country policies, which include re-allocating over 11-million people into new homes. He experimented in industry and exported everything in Romania to pay off his foreign debt. This causes massive numbers of death due to starvation, many parts of Romania were in the dark ages while he lived in relative prosperity. He was ousted and killed by firing squad in 1989.

9 - Saddam Hussein. Right not this man is heralded as the most wanted man, and the evilest man, but he is rated awfully low on this list. He, in the past, had used chemical gasses to exterminate ethnic Kurds in his country, it seems that this "cleansing" thing is a big theme among dictators. Ol' Saddam is now on the run from America, who has invaded the sovereign nation in search for the mythic weapons of mass destruction. Thus causing this once fedora wearing, rifle toting sheik of the oldest civilization in the world to abandon his post and go under the polar ice cap in a UFO with Elvis.

10 - Ferdinand and Imelda Marcos. This couple, backed by the US, had turned the Philippines into a trash heap, literally. The Marcos couple was funded to keep power and let America exploit the large island chain, causing massive deforestation and trash dumping near rural villages. The result of the Marcos' mismanagement caused this country to be very poor and politically unstable. While screwing up her country, Imelda Marcos managed to acquire over 1000 pairs of shoes, which she now proudly displays in the official Philippines shoe museum... how interesting.