Drinking Age Debate

Admiral Dinklingham and Captain Krünch

I, sir, am the noble admiral, Lord Dinklingham III, son of Lord Dinklingham II, who is son of Lord Dinklingham I. Upon this topic do I decree that the drinking age shall be raised to the respectable age of twenty-five. This grand notion I do support with all of my knowledge acquired at Oxford, and the Royal Naval Academy of course, and with all the estates of my family. It is the aforementioned age of twenty-five that I propose for legal drinking age, and this is due to the dissolute population of proletariats. The fabulous city of London is plagued by the drinking Irish seamen who run dilly-dally in the streets doing ghastly things. The majority of them are young, and thus it seems only logical to the enlightened mind that one should change the age. What is economy when you get all your money from your father, as I do, gracefully might I add. The gold of the New World is enough to stomp out youthful vice, which as aforementioned is deleterious. When I was at Oxford we drank, but we paid for it not. This proves the dirty thieving pirate wrong. I hang your types from the masts of my grand ship, His Royal Majesty’s Tide Raper. If pirates care about economics they would know that coffee would soon replace alcohol. It is thus that I propose a Champaign for tea program to be emplaced by the parliament of His Majesty. If the masses drink not of Champaign the dissolution will vanish and there will be increased trade with the New World, more necessity for plantations, and more British presence! My Sailors don’t drink! Simple as that. When I see them, they don’t drink, lest they face expulsion to an island or a brisk flogging! My father says only the Irish drink, not British sailors. We’re too good for you damned dirty pirate! I like my limbs, and I use all of them all the time, well, most of them, and Champaign would never take that away! The poor shouldn’t drink Champaign!

Ahoy! I be the notorious pirate, Captain Krünch. It is me belief that the legal drinkin’ age should be lowered to the scurvy age of twelve. This thought came to me when I realized that me cabin boy was unable to go acquire me some ale upon the shores of England. Naturally I decimated the offendin’ town, but alas this age restriction poses many inconveniences to me and me ‘earties. Well, what do ye expect from the Irish, eh? Anyway if the young are acquirin’ ale anyway, why not let em legally? Seems to me, that those who have no regard for the law will get it anyway, so there is not point in attemptin’ to keep it out of the hands of people anyway. And as for those ‘ghastly’ things. That all depends on what ye consider ghastly. Atrocious to one man may be proper behavior to another. Legalizing ale for the youth may be a great boost for the economy of any country. With a new generation of drinkers all involved will acquire more money. And as for us pirates, well, with more ships takin’ to the sea, there will be more for us to pillage and plunder, and therefore we will be makin’ more money as well. Also if ye send out more ships, more will be transported, I can’t sink ‘em all. Arrr.. If ye attempted to replace coffee with alcohol ye’d have a civil war on yer hands. I say ye’d have a Champaign fer blood campaign instead. And as for yer trade idea, yes ye’d have more potential for the trade of coffee, but ye would lose sailors. Drinkin’ is one of the freedoms of the sea, and if ye attempted to deny ‘em that freedom ye’d loose em. Anyway, what harm has drinkin’ done to anyone anyway? I’ve been drinkin’ since I was twelve and I haven’t lost any limbs that ain’t gonna grow back. And me cabin boy, he be thirteen and he’s only lost a few teeth and a finger, nothin’ serious. A bit o’ drinkin’ never stopped men from performin’ properly, and moreover it don’t have any detrimental effects.