Seems Rediculous? So Did The Election by Michael Veremans

We are soon to have a new governor; Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yes, he was actually voted into office and we all think it's amazing. Now that we have had a power change, things are going the same as they were before. Why? Because the problems were not totally Davis' fault, but its OK. Conan the Barbarian will fix this state with his buff bod. It may be just like an awkward date now, but four years into the future we may be seeing the Neue Kalifornische Republik (New Republic of California) with Arnold Schwarzenegger as Reichsminister. I predict in the next four years of his term drastic changes will occur; my utopian vision is what follows.

With this new name and title came other social, political, and economic changes. Schwarzenegger's stance on many issues combines elements of both left wing social policies, with right wing protectionism. Because of this, the two dominating political parties have been forced to come to a common ground. Under the threat of receiving a beating, both Democrats and Republicans have decided to merge to form a single party, the Kalifornia Sovereign State Party. This is a major step in the dictator direction, but a dictator with immense muscles is just fine. Ahnold is a good leader because he donates money to the Special Olympics.

This party merge has caused a certain amount of political turmoil in the mostly left leaning state of Kalifornia, but that's no problem for the Govinator. On the weekends, Schwarzenegger has been witnessed running over protesters with his huge Hummer, but it's legal now under the Run Ovah Hippies Act. There is no dispute from the Democratic side though, because they're just as conservative. Because he cannot pronounce Cruz Bustamante, Ahnold has resorted to addressing him as the "Toast Master General". Despite this, the two have been working cooperatively to form a new, better Kalifornia

The deficit that has "crippled" Kalifornia is a major obstacle for Ahnold to tackle. To do this he has proposed several fund raising programs, many of which are currently in action and rather visible. Schwarzenegger is from Austria, as you may already know, he's not a Kalifornian, in fact, he spends most of his time in New York. There isn't much respect for this state, but that may be just what Kalifornia needs to wrench itself back into an economically stable place. The first and most obvious is the sale of Kalifornia land to neighboring states. As you can see large chunks of sovereign counties to Oregon, Nevada and Arizona are missing. Furthermore, the country of Mexico has offered to pay a large sum, up to half of the current deficit for the San Diego area, and Ahnold could only oblige. New names have been assigned to some of the states biggest cities: Sacremento is now New Austria, Los Angeles is West Vienna, and San Fransisco has become Salzburgville.

The rich Kalifornia soil "commandeered" for the use of other states may seem pretty… progressive… but wait, Schwarzenegger himself has contributed to clearing the debt. With his huge wads of your patron money, he purchased part of San Bernardino County, saying, and I quote, "It was too big, I want to have small counties so they cannot challenge my powah." Now the economy of Kalifornia has plummeted, but there is no deficit, and Ahnold is even richer that he was before, since he actively owns a chunk of the United States.

Ahnold's most notable attribute is not that he is a body builder, but an actor (I won't argue whether he is a good or *BAD* actor). Movie magic has instilled him with many fanciful ideas of life, but it just might have made him wily enough to go for innovation. Thus, we have a robot army now! By we I mean Schwarzenegger has a robot army. It was developed by a private robotics firm and Universal who teamed up imagination with production possibility to design a smart robot with about the same anatomy as a human, except they're metal and cool. Because of this, the Kalifornia Nation Guard was disbanded and guns were outlawed completely. Police forces have also been downsized because who's going to commit a crime when the Terminator and his T-1000s will be on your back.

With this new power, Ahnold has been able to enforce some rather controversial laws, such as the no license's for illegal immigrants. This has given room for many illegal drivers, making insurance payments skyrocket for "citizens" because of the cost of cars and the ever increasing cost of fuel (since the robot army needs it too, the government has first bid on the crude) car ownership has dropped drastically. Bicycles, though, have become more and more popular. Scrap metal from used cars is now being used to produce, cheaper, stronger bicycles. The robot army also uses bicycles, like the bicycle brigades of WWI.

Despite the massive reforms in just about everything, the loss of land, and the fact that Kalifornia is threatening secession, the people are happy. Kept in line by an awesome robot army, there is merriment in the streets, unless it blocks bicycle traffic, and the people feel mighty refreshed by the new city names, and county boundaries. It's like a new beginning for a new Republik for a new future for a new governor for a NEW WORLD ORDER. Commenting on all of the changes, Ahnold Schwarzenegger states, "Dies is a great ting dat we ah doing heah, und de people love me und cauliflowah… I mean Kalifornia… I'll be back"